God who answers prayer...

Verse 1:
God who answers prayer
Sees me in my need
Runs to my despair
Your promise I believe

Pre-Chorus:
That You Are, You Are, You Are God

Chorus:
Bless the Lord with all that's within o my soul
I cry out with all that I am make me whole
Here I stand I place all my hope in you
My Healer will see me through

Verse 2:
God who answers prayer
Faithful you will be
In my darkest hour
Your promise I believe

Bridge:
My Savior, my God on High
The One who has brought me life
I surrender all that I am
Into your hands, I'm in your hands

This is a song that the worship band at my chruch just did this Sunday and granted i wasnt there.. but it was shared with me.

I am on new ground, and this ground is rocky and scary.. but hopeful at the same time. There are many tears that cover this ground, and a heart that feels like it is falling apart everytime it beats.
Im not even standing on this gound.. i cant seem to find the strength to stand on it.. Im not ready to be on this ground. I knew it was going to have to be on it at some point, but i dont want right now.. i dont want to have to sit and wait on this ground to change. I know what it will take for this to change.. and im not ready to do that either.

I know you are ready.. and i know Jesus cant wait to see you face to face.. and i dont want you to suffer anymore.. but i love you and its hard to me to just hand you over to Jesus right now. I just want you to be healed.. and stay around..

i guess thats why this song brings me to tears.. its everything i want to tell God but cant seem to find the words to tell him...

"God who answers prayer
Faithful you will be
In my darkest hour
Your promise I believe

Bless the Lord with all that's within o my soul
I cry out with all that I am make me whole
Here I stand I place all my hope in you
My Healer will see me through"

I love you grandpa..

Elevation Worship - God Who Answers Prayer

Support letter...

    Hello! Hope this letter finds you doing well. As many of you remember in November 2009, I went to
India for my second trip. While I was there I became aware of all the oppression that takes place in this world. A nine year old boy, Kishore, who was living in an orphanage, was the one who both encouraged me and broke my heart with the weight of his struggles when he shared a small piece of his heart with me. I had only met Kishore hours before he told be these words, “I will never forget you because you loved me tonight.” To this day I can see the look in the eyes of an innocent young man, along with the devastation and hope that he carried for someone, even if it was an American, to spend a few hours with him.
     It is because of this young man, and a calling from God, that I am going to be taking in an amazing journey to Asia. I am joining a group called Youth With A Mission (YWAM) and will be spending a year traveling and sharing the Gospel with many people who have never heard the name of Jesus. During my year I will partake in three different programs with YWAM. The first is Christmas Outreach (COR). This is a two week outreach to share the Gospel in Hong Kong with drama, dance to share the good news of Christ.
      Second is a Discipleship Training School (DTS). This is a five month program in which I will spend three months in a lecture phase in Hong Kong with experienced teachers from all around the world. They will teach on subjects such as hearing the voice of God, prayer and intercession, worship, evangelism, world missions, along with many others. The next two months will be outreach in Mainland China, I will take what I have learned during the lecture phase and share God’s love with those all around me.
      Finally, the last five months will be spent with a Far East Evangelism Team (FEET). I will have a short preparation time in Hong Kong, which will be followed by about four months of outreach. I will travel to three to five countries in Asia using eye catching dramas and dances to capture the attention of villagers.  
     This is a journey of a lifetime, and it is a dream of mine to pursue the passion and heart I have for serving, loving, and walking with others around the world. I would ask for you to partner with me in this adventure in a few ways. First, join with me with your prayers. Not only prayer for the year that I will spend in Asia, but also in the months of preparation before I travel to the other side of the world. Please be praying for health, safety, finances and also for God’s will and heart to be known by all those I encounter during this journey.
     Second, if you feel led to give financially towards my trip you can certainly do so by writing a check to Grace Community and putting “Alicia Patterson” on the memo line. Then mail all donations to me at:                                                               Alicia Patterson
205 South 10^th Street
Norfolk, NE 68701
      I look forward to sharing in this experience with all of you and I cannot wait to see what God has planned for me with this journey! Thanks for helping change the world with me and my Savior.
                                 In His Name (Isaiah 1:17),
                                                      Alicia Patterson

Love is...

... patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud
or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.
 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance."

I Cor. 13: 4-7

Its about time i get back to some basics in how i look at things, and look at God. I need to learn how to love. because as i look at what Love really is.. im not loving the way i should be. There are many relationships that i have demanded my way, and not allowed others to experiance life on their own. And I have been jealous.. very jealous in other relationships. I have given up more times then i can count. I have lost faith in others. And i have kept a long list of wrongs done against me..

Its time i get back to understanding that to love, is to be in a very dangerous place. however with the God that i serve.. he is big enough to handle any dangers i face!

My God is big enough to love me, and to break down my walls i have build around my heart. And my God is big enough to rebuild the damage that my heart has experianced. and my God is certainly big enough to teach me how to love with a heart that is fully loved by a King.

looking for ideas/help...

Well it has been less than 24 hours since i found out that i was officially accepted to be apart of the Youth With A Mission, Year in Asia program. and so the journey begins!
For those of you who do not know at all what I am talking about, here is a little filling in!
I and going to go spend a year in, well, Asia! I will be learning alot about God's heart for the nations, and for me. I will get a chance to go out many times in that year and share the Good News in many different countries! Its an amazing opportunity and I (at this moment) still have few words to explaine how excited i am to partake in this journey!!

Now i have the skills to go, and i have been called to go on this wonderful trip. However there are other skills that i do not have that i will need to preperation to this trip. Those skills involve being EXTRA creative!! i need to come up with a few fund raisers.. and im not creative and im not got at hammering out details. (i would like to think im good at details.. but i have accepted that i am not skilled in this area). So i would love to walk along side anyone who would be willing to help with some fund raising, but i need some help or ideas that any of you may have.
There is one fund raiser that is "in the works" and with that.. i need a few supplies!! i need 3 peices of plywood that would be big enough to cover a pool table. (3 pool tables need covered with 1 piece of plywood each.) and i know i dont have any plywood.. so i need some help with that too!!
Um.. also addresses. Im in the works of writting support letters and letters to let everyone know how i can keep in contact with all of you, i need addresses/email addresses so that i can let all of you who are interested informed throughout this year and the year that i am traveling.
This is also the address for the blog that i will be using as well while i am gone. it will be used for my highlights and details while i am overseas. please feel free to follow me and take part in thei journey with me!!
Thanks everyone and cant wait to tell you more. (if you have any questions please feel free to ask!!)

im not good enough..

Ephesians 2:8-10 (New Living Translation)

 ⁸ God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. ⁹ Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it. ¹⁰ For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.


Satan has been knocking at me hard lately, with family and different stresses. I sent out a text to a few good friends tonight telling them about my news from YWAM and one of them, a very wise friend responded with, "Im not suprised."
And i told them with something like this, "...I was alittle worried that i wasnt going to be good enought for the program.."
And their response was, "your not good enough Ehp 2:8-10"

Touche... im not good enough.

God doesnt call the qualified.. He qualifies the called.

this just in...

I HAVE BEEN ACCEPTED INTO THE YEAR IN ASIA PROGRAM!!!

estimated time of arrival in Hong Kong: Dec 10, 2011

Holy Moley!!! i dont even have words right now.. but AMEN!!! AMEN AMEN AMEN!!!

okay... i need to settle down and get some rest!!

but once again.. AMEN!!!

question the unknown...

Why me..?
Why Asia..?
Heck, why missions..??
Why do something that others seem to rip apart my hopes..??

Why the world..??
Why the people who have never heard..??
Why a year..??
Why now..??

Why this, and not that..??
Will i be missed, or will i be the one missing..??
What happens if would told you no..??
What happens if  You say no..??
What if i allow them to bring me down..??
What will be happening at this moment in one year..??

What am i doing..??
Is this in Your plan, or just another thing i "think" You are telling me to do..??
Why am i questioning you so much the past few days..??
Why do i get shaken by words of the world.. rather then cling to words from the Kingdom..??

Why is this scarier and crazier then i imagined it would be..??
Why do i not feel prepared..??
Why am i not just jumpin in with both feet..??
Why do i question what i know is of You..??

What happens when we change the world...??
Then what happens to me.. to us.. to our relationship..??
What happens once i follow you with all i have..??
What joys will be face..?? What sorrows..??
What things do you have waiting for me in this choice..??
What will my heart feel..??

What will this world do once we shake it...??

i dare you to abandon me..

i have been thinking a lot lately about the meaning of "family".
Family:
1:
   a. a group of individuals living under one roof and usually under one head : household.
2:
   b. a group of things related by common characteristics

When in debt google it! Growing up I figured the meaning of "family" was
1. a group of people who get pleasure out of down-grading one in order to overpower another.
2. a group of people who endure verbal and at times phyiscal abuse as a sign of affection.
3. a emotional roller coaster, that must be held in and shown to no one, especally those who live under the same roof.
4. only associated by living conditions.
5. fake.
6. lies.
7. a group of people that will treat others harshly, and damage those they are said to "care the most about".

im other words.. family.. is a hard word for me. I have struggled with the meaning of what a family really is, and what it really means. Which has led me to this..

 ^"Even if my father and mother abandon me,
      the Lord will hold me close.
 Teach me how to live, O Lord.
      Lead me along the right path,
      for my enemies are waiting for me."  Psalm 27:10-11

My next thought after being brought to this passage, "holy..." and by holy, i mean i was, and still am speechless. I have read this verse many times before. i have read, and listened to messages about the Body of Christ being family. but right now, in my journey.. i have never really realized how impacted i am by my family (my flesh and blood..) and how i try to impress them, and give them something to be proud of me for. However, it is the Body of Christ family that has the BEST intrest in mind for me, and my heart. And above all.. Christ himself gave all of himself so that i may live, and i rarely look to him as family, just a leader.

God wants me to have such an intimate relationship with him and i often.. usually put that relationship on the back burner. This year, if i had to pick one word that i really feel God has called me to, it is "Relationship." when this word came to my mind, i was so focused on getting to Asia and spending a year not looking back, then God stopped me. He wants me to love those around me, he wants me to go and serve, and to learn to be served at times. God wants me to understand His heart for the nations, the lost, the sick, the weak, and the ones who need to be loved for the first time in their life. God wants me to enter into sometime big, something great, something powerful and unknowing. God wants me to step into a better understanding of himself and his heart for me. God wants and has called me.. yet i just think its another "something" i must do..God doesnt need me to do anything! he only wants my heart.. even simpler then that.. he wants me!

God just wants to talk with me.. and the thing that holds me back from that the most is.. as you could probably guess. my family!
 Today i was in church i was reading ahead a bit, and i read Psalm 27.

Psalm 27

A psalm of David.

 ¹ The Lord is my light and my salvation—
      so why should I be afraid?
   The Lord is my fortress, protecting me from danger,
      so why should I tremble?

 

(i have fears of rejection, and of being hated and abandoned. I have fears of not being good enough, and of not making my family proud. And God wants me.. He wants to protect me.. and He doesnt want me to fear anything, because He wants to be my strength.)
² When evil people come to devour me,
      when my enemies and foes attack me,
      they will stumble and fall.
 ³ Though a mighty army surrounds me,
      my heart will not be afraid.
   Even if I am attacked,
      I will remain confident.

 

(I dont think i have this one in the bag quite yet.. but i want to work on it. I want to come to the understanding that even when the world feels like it is crashing down around me, that i shall not fear! i know God sees me as so much more than i see me, and i want to come to the understand thru God, that i can stand in the shadow of the valley of death, and not fear evil for Christ stands with me!)

 

 ⁴ The one thing I ask of the Lord—
      the thing I seek most—
   is to live in the house of the Lord all the days of my life,
      delighting in the Lord’s perfections
      and meditating in his Temple.

(To love the Lord with all my heart, soul, mind and strength! better is one day in the Courts of God! God is perfect, and he creates perfectly! I often doubt Gods perfection, because i dont see how i could be perfect.. but to this world im not, to God, the Creator.. i am Beautiful, and perfect in His sight.)

 ⁵ For he will conceal me there when troubles come;
      he will hide me in his sanctuary.
      He will place me out of reach on a high rock.
 ⁶ Then I will hold my head high
      above my enemies who surround me.
   At his sanctuary I will offer sacrifices with shouts of joy,
      singing and praising the Lord with music.

( Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. ⁹ Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. ¹⁰ That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2. Cor 12:8-10.... Enough prove there)

 ⁷ Hear me as I pray, O Lord.
      Be merciful and answer me!
 ⁸ My heart has heard you say, “Come and talk with me.”
      And my heart responds, “Lord, I am coming.”

(my hearts desire is to meet with God and talk with him.. actually talk and have a converstation.. not just have a one-sided converstation with myself..)

 ⁹ Do not turn your back on me.
      Do not reject your servant in anger.
      You have always been my helper.
   Don’t leave me now; don’t abandon me,
      O God of my salvation!

(I know i have begged God is this one before.. my biggest fear is being abandoned.. and there were times when i have felt i dont deserve all that God has given me.. but there are also times that i have felt i have done such wrong, that God will turn his back on me. I know that God wont leave me nor forsake me, but i know i have pled my case with God just like David is doing in this verse.)

 ¹⁰ Even if my father and mother abandon me,
      the Lord will hold me close.

 ¹¹ Teach me how to live, O Lord.
      Lead me along the right path,
      for my enemies are waiting for me.

(This is right, exactally where my heart is right now with my family. I feel as tho they dont understand where i am at, and why it is that i want to pursue following Christ.. however i still fear being abandoned. Then i read that even if that were to happen.. the Lord will STILL hold me.. how amazing of a picture is that!? even if my "family" leaves me.. i still have the Lord.. i STILL have SOMEONE!)

 ¹² Do not let me fall into their hands.
      For they accuse me of things I’ve never done;
      with every breath they threaten me with violence.
 ¹³ Yet I am confident I will see the Lord’s goodness
      while I am here in the land of the living.

 ¹⁴ Wait patiently for the Lord.
      Be brave and courageous.
      Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.

(okay. im not good at being patient. but i do know that i can wait on the Lord knowing that he wants me, and he wants to be with me! And by knowing these things.. and putting aside the worries of my day, Christ will meet with me!)
I know i have some heart issues to work thru.. and the first is knowing that i need not worry about family. Christ will provide even if i am abandoned. He loves me so much more then i can ever understand.

God- my life isnt mine.. and i struggle with that, however i know that you see me as much more then i see myself as. You have called me to be a missionary, and for years i have fought you in that, yet i stand in your presence knowing.. that i am to be a missionary. I came back to the foot of the cross and put down my life, my struggles, and my fears (for the most part) and looked at my life thru your eyes.. will you now help me, and allow me to continue to see my life thru your eyes, and allow me to know and understand more and more each and everyday another part of your heart and your character. you love me, and i am so thankful to know that i have a father, a brother, a husband, and leader in you! thank you being you and being great and not abandoning me...amen

As i sit and wait..

Today is the morning that my cell phone alarm woke me up at 7:30, singing "Im not alright..". Once that alarm rang and i realized i needed to get out of bed, let the dog outside, feed the dog, find a way to remove to morning voice from myself, and sit down with a cup of green tea.. and wait.

What am i waiting for??

A phone call... a phone "interview" of sorts. a moment, a time, and a story that could be what changes my life!

I am waiting for a phone call from the YWAM Hong Kong base. i dont believe they have recieved my application quite yet, but i have been waiting for this call for a little less then 2 weeks. I dont think it will be hard for me to set on the phone and tell someone pretty much everything that i wrote out on myapplication a few weeks ago.

The phone call didnt come in this morning. which is okay, at first i was a little upset, because i missed the phone call last night.. however this moning i know that things can be reschedualed, and that i am working with a country on the other side of the world! i must wait.. and take a few breaths. i can do this! i will do this!

I know what God has called me to.. and i know he wants to use me, and he will use me! so.. for now i must sit and wait.. and breathe!

#'s 1 and 2 are Always a Most

Tonight i swallowed my pride and finally stopped spinning my wheels, and decided to move.

No Seriously.. like Moved! into a new home. Over a few hours, me and my dog we realizing that we were going to be sleeping in a new location, with new sounds and smells. We are going to wake up to different surroundings, and get you to finding where we put everything. We also are going to have to re-learn what it takes to live with a roommate... and needless-to-say... that is a tough one!

We made the move down the flight of stairs and into my mom's house (or as Presley calls is.. Grandma's). its funny because i didnt think it would be that weird, however i am really wondering why in the heck did i think this was a good idea? i mean.. I can stand being at my mom's, but i really did enjoy my own space. I dont feel like i have space anymore.. and that scares me a tad-bit.

I think.. no.. i KNOW this is something God wants me to do in preparation of joining YWAM.. but boy oh boy did i not think it would rattle my cage so much! A few days ago i thought i could handle a "slight change" and now, as i sit on my bed, in the dark and silence with my dog curled up next me, with the sound of the TV playing in the other room.. i question why i thought this would be "easy."

The only thing on my To-Do List about this situation.. is to:
1. Pray
2. Sleep
3. Go along with my life as with the confidance that "I can live with my mom for the 10 months and come out out a better person
4. Watch as God turns that confidance into a reality
5. do NOT become a workaholic
6. Walk my dog EVERY morning.. that will be "my own space"
7. read #3 again.. and trust that i can believe those words!
8. snuggle with my dog like we always do, and love her alittle more everday.
9. Eat dinner.. had i had dinner tonight, maybe i wouldnt be feeling so defeated.
10. do #'s 1 and 2 NOW!

..what could stand against?

"And if Our God is for us, then who could ever stop us
And if our God is with us, then what could stand against?
What could stand against?"

Chris Tomlin says it best with those words. If my God is for me.. then who could ever stop me! i have been struggling alot the past week of so, knowing that i have a family who doesnt fully understand my desire to go and serve people in another country. At times, i dont think i fully understand my desire either. However, i want to understand the desire, i want to grow in such a way that i have no doubts in my mind that God is going to use me to shake this world, in ways i never could have thought of!
I have a wonderful group of people who have been in my corner with me and showing me that i have what it takes. Thank you to those people who, even on my bad days, saw past my frustration and emotions of this world. You all have allowed me to strive with all that i have to be a better person and to do what i know God has been calling me to for years!
There are a few people who have really allowed me to know that i can step out of my comfort zone and really just shoot for the stars. I adore you guys, and im so thankful and blessed by how you have invested into my life and my heart!

If Our God is for US... then who can be against us? Who can stand against us?

Thanks for being some of the best friends i have ever encourntered and for holding me up when i wanted to give up and quit! You guys are my family, and i know that i will still struggle but it is such a comfort to know that i have brothers and sisters with amazing hearts and so a quality of compassion..

I know i have this family in my corner.. and thats the family i need!