My oh my.. how time does fly by!!
I wish i could just put into a short little blog how i feel about leaving in just a few days.. but i am speechess!!
**I have a Beautiful Savior who accepts me for who i am and where i am at, each and every moment.
**I have a wonderful Church Family who has supported me and believed in me and my calling.. even when i struggled to believe in myself.
**I have a Community of people who have chosen to fight with me in the journey of sharing the Good News of the Lord.
Thank you Lord for the way you cover me in love!
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Saturday, November 5, 2011
T-minus 35 days...
It is getting down to the end of one season in my life, and onto another season in just a few short weeks.
Many parts of me long to stay in the USA longer. I dont want to leave certain relationships and things that i have on passions for here in the states. I want to stay comfortable with my surroundings. I do not want to face fears. I would like to stay "normal" in some senses.
Other parts of me just want to get on a plane tomorrow and get the heck out of here. Lets get to something new and unknown. Lets have a "new beginning". Let me do something crazy and learn great things in the process. I want to feel like i am being used for a great purpose and calling. I want to change this world.. and it starts with me leaving everything that i know.
At times i find myself being so torn. There are moments when i feel so used, discouraged, and trampled on and it makes me feel like the best option is to get out of here and move to something different until life settles down back home. And then there are moments when to leave brings tears to my eyes and hurts so much to imagine not sharing in the life of those who have invested in me for years.
God, may this be for you and not for me. I dont want to hang on to my selfish ways, rather just let me bless you with this life you have given me. Take those who are trying to destroy me out of my path and let me just run full speed at you and the plans you have for me. May you protect me from the enemy (mind, body and spirit). Would you be the only one i fix my eyes upon during these last few days. I have felt defeated at times and as if i have lost my way/direction in this journey. I know this has all been preparation for what is to come and would You give me a heart of understanding and to trust, with all my being, that you are in control. You know what i need. You can use me to do anything you want. Allow me to know that you have called me, and you desire me to do your work. You long to see me do great things and grow in my faith in wonderful ways. You see me.. even when no one else sees me. And you love me for where i am right now at this moment.. discouraged or not. You want me!! And with these 35 days left for me to be "comfy" may you be my desire, my heart, my soul, and my all. You alone, Jesus, are my hope and dream. Lets get out of this boat and walk on those waves. Amen.
Many parts of me long to stay in the USA longer. I dont want to leave certain relationships and things that i have on passions for here in the states. I want to stay comfortable with my surroundings. I do not want to face fears. I would like to stay "normal" in some senses.
Other parts of me just want to get on a plane tomorrow and get the heck out of here. Lets get to something new and unknown. Lets have a "new beginning". Let me do something crazy and learn great things in the process. I want to feel like i am being used for a great purpose and calling. I want to change this world.. and it starts with me leaving everything that i know.
At times i find myself being so torn. There are moments when i feel so used, discouraged, and trampled on and it makes me feel like the best option is to get out of here and move to something different until life settles down back home. And then there are moments when to leave brings tears to my eyes and hurts so much to imagine not sharing in the life of those who have invested in me for years.
God, may this be for you and not for me. I dont want to hang on to my selfish ways, rather just let me bless you with this life you have given me. Take those who are trying to destroy me out of my path and let me just run full speed at you and the plans you have for me. May you protect me from the enemy (mind, body and spirit). Would you be the only one i fix my eyes upon during these last few days. I have felt defeated at times and as if i have lost my way/direction in this journey. I know this has all been preparation for what is to come and would You give me a heart of understanding and to trust, with all my being, that you are in control. You know what i need. You can use me to do anything you want. Allow me to know that you have called me, and you desire me to do your work. You long to see me do great things and grow in my faith in wonderful ways. You see me.. even when no one else sees me. And you love me for where i am right now at this moment.. discouraged or not. You want me!! And with these 35 days left for me to be "comfy" may you be my desire, my heart, my soul, and my all. You alone, Jesus, are my hope and dream. Lets get out of this boat and walk on those waves. Amen.
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